Wednesday, September 15

Beautiful Lord

I love days when the Lord loves on you. I also love the days when the Lord gives you sift kick in the butt behind and reminds you where you came from and that you are being totally selfish & bratty ungrateful and unappreciative of what he has done in your life. Sometimes I lose sight of what the Lord has done or is doing. I get so wrapped up in this world and all that goes on day to day that I take for granted his grace and his beauty. He is truly a beautiful God. I am so thankful that each day comes with new mercies and new forgiveness. I am so grateful that I can be new in him everyday. Oh how he loves me. I have been a little concerned or down about the adoption process. I wonder sometimes if I can handle the stress of one more baby or if I can handle the steps it is going to take to get her here. There is a lot of information thrown at me constantly. If any of you know me, I tend to be a little bit spacey and unorganized. The process is demanding me to be on top of things and to be organized and to be bold when I need to be. It is a stretch and I often feel drained and worn out. But it is definitely worth it. I see this challenge kind of like the birth pains and the discomfort of pregnancy. It’s not easy at times to be pregnant. The swelling feet, the achy back, the weight gain, sleepless nights, contractions, etc. Well, instead of those things I have headaches from stress, exhaustion from not sleeping because all I can think about is her being here and her getting all the love she needs while she's not with me. I am full of worry and I feel insecure in my ability to care for one more.  We have many hurdles to jump but I know that once we are in Ethiopia and they hand her over to me everything will be fine and everything will be ok. I know I will fall in love with her more in that moment than I am with her now. It will be like when the Dr. handed me my boys for the first time. I cannot wait to hold her and to read to her. I cannot wait to sing to her and bathe her. I cannot wait to love on her and to teach her. I cannot wait to introduce her to all of the special people in my life. I pray daily that God is growing and protecting her, whether she is in her mother’s womb or on the streets or in the orphanage. I pray that she is healthy and strong. God is so good and so big and he does not forget his people. I know that he knows her and he knows we are her forever family. We talked to our agency earlier this week and they told us we will be #14 on the wait list once our dossier is complete (which will be soon I hope) With that being said the director thinks it will be about March that we get a picture of the perfect child God has chosen for us. If we accept her in March we will hopefully meet her in May and bring her home sometime in June or July. Those months cannot come soon enough. I am ready to hold her and smell her. I am so ready to feel her little body and here her heart beat. It is like having a really long pregnancy. We decided to go ahead and name her. Her name will be Emerson. Everyone refers to her as Emerson. So the new addition to our family is Emerson. Parker knows that Emerson is his sister and that she doesn't have a family in Ethiopia but we are her family here. We are still playing with middles names, it might be her African name we aren't 100% sure yet. So be praying for our sweet Emerson and that God will deliver her to us safely. It is so surreal that we are adopting a girl and she has a name. Emerson; I cannot say it enough.  We are so thankful for all of your prayers we really need it in this journey of faith. 

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Thanks for sharing your thoughts, love and encouragement.
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