Thursday, September 9

Open My Eyes

We have completed the majority of our paper chase to get our sweet baby. Now we are waiting for approval on the home study and the application. We are in the process of the dossier. This whole adoption process is so foreign and overwhelming at times. I feel like I am being lead by hand in a dark room with my eyes closed, just trusting those who have done this before to guide me in the right direction. We had our home study interview on Monday, it were great. Parker was excited before our social worker came over. He asks daily if this is the day we will go get sister. He prays for her and wishes for her. It is precious. I love how innocent he is. He understands that we are getting a sister from Ethiopia but doesn't understand why she doesn't have a mommy or a home like he does. He also doesn't understand why we have to wait so long. Yesterday during what was supposed to be his nap time he got out the baby crib-mattress from under his bed, gathered some sheets and pillows and made his new sister a place to sleep in his room. He is so ready. I cannot wait to see him with her. Beckham on the other hand has no clue. I worry about his adjustment. He makes it clear to everyone and anyone who is around that I am his mommy. Beckham is my sweet and tender child. He loves quality time and physical affection. And he doesn't like to share me with anyone. He wants me all to him self. Maybe this is normal for the youngest in the family. (Maybe a new addition in hard for every child who is the youngest in the family.) I don't know. I am praying now that God is protecting his heart and he is preparing him for the change and it will come easier than expected.  

I have been praying a lot lately that God will help my kids understand, even at this young age, what we are doing and why we are doing it. I am excited to change the face and flow of our family. I want my boys to grow up with the kind of compassion I am learning to have through this process. Since we have been obedient to the call of adoption I have learned a new way of loving people. It's like I woke up one day and had a new sense and understanding of compassion. I see everyone differently. Like I am more aware of them and where they might be in their life or what they may be going through.

Last week, on my way to pick Parker up from school while I was stuck at a red light, (there was an accident or something), I prayed that God would not only soften my heart for the least of these in Ethiopia but also those that are here in need. While I can't be there loving on people and serving people the way Christ did, I want to do it here. I prayed that he would show me areas of need, areas of hopelessness in people, areas where he can use a small bird like myself. As I sat there my attention was drawn to a lady next to me with a look of despair on her face. She seemed sad or stressed. My mind began to run with a million questions. i.e. Where is she going? Where does she live? Where has life taken her? What is she rejoicing? What is she mourning? Does she have family? Who and What does she love? Does she know my Lord? Does her heart yearn for more of God? (I know I sound like a crazy lady but really this is what was going through my head in a matter or 3 seconds) I don't know the answer to any of those questions but what I do know is that her creator loves her and he knows the answers. So I prayed that God would just love on her and embrace her through whatever she was going through. Whatever it was. I say all this to say that I feel softened and tender towards those I don’t even know. God is continually remodeling my heart. I am so grateful for this process of adoption he has used it to bless my family, to bless my friends, to open my eyes to the world. He has used it to show his character, his heart and his will. He has shown me how to have genuine love for people no matter who you are. I have learned to love my family differently, and how to show them I love them. My marriage has been transformed and my relationship with my boys has been transformed. The God who created us is so good and so big! I am looking forward to this journey. 

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