Tuesday, October 26

Riding Without Trainers

What a funny, exciting, exhausting, painful experience this is. Phillip is trying to teach Parker how to ride is bike without trainers. Parker was a little terrified but put on a brave face. He is apprehensive on wether or not he should really trust Daddy or not. He trusts but half way. While I was watching this moment with Phillip and Parker and I reflected on how this is a lot like when we pray for God to put us on his path and lead us on his journey for our lives. The way Parker was learning how to trust his daddy is a lot like how I am learning how to trust God. I have prayed for God to show me what my purpose is here and what he has planned for me. I have had moments where I thought that just being a stay at home mom and wife was all that God had planned for me and I would wallow in boredom with that. I know I am a whiner. It's not that I was bored I just thought I would do something great and different. What my life is like now is not how I pictured it when I was growing up. Over the last few years God has shown me that he has me exactly where He wants me. This is part of His plan. 

Any way back to what I was saying about how Parker learning to ride his bike without trainers and learning how to trust his Dad is a lot like my walk with the Lord in the journey he has put us on. 

I have been praying for years for God to reveal to me what He has in store for me. He never showed me, or so I thought, I just wasn't really willing to tune in and listen and commit. And God wasn't ready yet. It wasn't time. God has been setting the stage for His plan this whole time. His plan is not just for me but the plan includes Phillip, because we are one spirit and flesh. There are no longer plans for ME or plans for HIM but plans for US, we are a team in God's eyes. God just needed Phillip to be on board with him before He could do his work in US.  Since Phillip genuinly committed and dedicated his life to God this last Spring, God has been moving. He has been revealing stuff to us and He has birthed new desires within us. As you all know we have been called by God to adopt. This is what he has planned for us. To care for the least of these and take some into our home and call them ours. The plan for my life includes Phillip. I am so glad it does. He is the best support and best partner I couldn't have picked a better one myself. (Thank you Lord for blessing me with Phillip)

During this adoption process and I learning to trust in the Lord in a whole new way. This process is terrifying and frustrating. It may not be this way for some but it is for me. There are so many ways you can adopt and so many places you can adopt from. There is literally a need every where.

 So, as I was watching Parker's face while Phillip took off the trainers I giggled to my self. I thought "Lord, is this what my face looked like when I heard you say adopt?" I am pretty sure it did. It was a look of, WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU WANTING ME TO DO? It was kind of a scary thought since I knew Phillip would say No, but I knew I had heard God tell me this. 

Once the wheels were off and Parker sat on the seat Phillip started explaining to him what was gonna happen... "You are gonna fall, You are gonna bleed, It is scary, I will not let you fall and not get back up, You can trust me, I am going to protect you, I will kiss all of your booboo's and You Will Get This!!!, I believe in you!" He was black and white, honest about what was gonna happen. He didn't sugar coat the experience, he was REAL. That's what I have seen and experienced during our adoption journey. I have "fallen" by letting fears and flesh get in the way, I have "bled" and I am still "bleeding" once again flesh and selfish desires and not listening to God, it is really "scary" with all the unknown and what if's that are out there, God "will not let me fall and stay down". He will "pick me up and does pick me back up" and he gives me another boost. I can and I am learning to "trust" him with every ounce of my being and not just half way. He does "kiss all of my "Booboos"", God believes in me and I can do this!"

Phillip had Parker sit on the seat of his bike and he tilted it a little to the right and said "you will fall and when you fall this way, you stick your leg out to catch yourself. Put your foot down and go again." They did this over and over until Parker got it and figured out how to catch himself if he began to fall. I have friends who are going through this same process with us or have done it before who are teaching me that it is hard and at times I will fall this way or that way but when I do this is how I should correct it and I pick up and keep going. I lean on my friends a lot for encouragement and support. They are awesome.  

Finally, Phillip asked Parker if he was ready to ride. Apprehensive and eager at the same time Parker said yes. So off he peddled while Phillip guided him and caught him when he fell. 

I have prayed for the journey God had for me and this is it. We are adopting. We answered Gods calling with that same apprehensive and eager tone Parker had. We are so excited and ready for our new addition. I cannot deny that this is a scary journey and at times I wonder if I am making the right decision. But I know that God has his hand on the back of the seat he is guiding us and catching us when we fall and learn. 

his speech before they began...

teaching about how to catch yourself when you fall...

running alongside of him and guiding him...

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