Part 1. Spiritual GPSAs you all know (or those of you who have been following since August) we are adopting a little baby girl from Ethiopia. We don't have an actual girl yet. We are waiting on a wait list for a baby girl under 2. The wait list is not long it should be soon when we get our first referral. (Soon as in 4-6 months). A couple of weeks ago I hit a wall in the process. Not a wall caused by anyone or anything but myself and my emotions. The wall was necessary though. God used that time to work on Phillip and I. We were able to sit back and make sure that this is absolutely something we want to do. Not adoption, we know we are called to adopt. We were trying to make sure that an International adoption is what we are called to do RIGHT now.
On October 7 I pulled up on a situation that is buried itself in my heart. I felt broken and burdened. I was running around town getting some errands taken care of before I went to lunch with some friends. I was headed to a store on the other side of town from where I live. I am usually not over there. Well about 1 mile from the store I changed my mind and just didn't "feel" like going to that store. I can't explain what changed my mind. It just changed in an instant. I was driving home and Parker decides he's hungry so I pull into McDonald's. (We rarely eat McDonald's) As I pull into McDonald's I see 3 cop cars. In a straight row. The first cop car had a mother (who looked like she hadn't showered in months) and the last one had a father (who looked even worse than the mother). Standing by the car in the middle were 2 police officers holding the cutest, dirtiest little blonde boy. The little boy was wearing a green and brown stripped shirt, no shoes, a diaper that looked like it was a week old hanging down to his knees (you could tell his little bottom was raw and he hadn't been changed in a VERY long time). His skin was so dirty, you would see sticky stuff and spots where something wet had dried onto his little legs, and his hair was so matted it looked like it was trying to dread. He was probably 12-18 months old. My heart broke. I wanted to jump out of my car and love on that little boy. I wanted to take him and bathe him and feed him and tell him he is great and loved. The cops drove away with the parents and the 2 stayed behind with the little boy. I am guessing they were waiting on a social worker to come and pick him up. I felt devastated not knowing where this little guy was going. Would he find a foster family here? Are there any open homes here? I know Highsky's emergency home is full. Would he be sent to another city? Is that family going to love on him and want him? 5 million thoughts and emotions flooded my mind. I wanted him and I would have taken him on the spot.
I questioned God's direction during that time. He has been working on my heart over the last 2 months about domestic adoption/fostering. I wasn't interested. At the conference he kept stirring my heart about it. I kept fighting him and telling him there wasn't a need. Well through new friends and people I have met I am quickly realizing there is a huge need here. I felt like God led me to that situation so he could break me. I have been praying for a tender heart for needs here. Well he have it, along with a giant flashing sign that there is a need here. There is need everywhere. We just have to be willing to see it. The scales fell off that day. I have been broken ever since.
So I let my emotions fog out God's voice. I was overwhelmed and I wanted to act then. (I'm the kind of person that sees a problem and wants to fix it immediately) I did take time to pray about what I had seen and I told God I needed a clear word on what to do. I don't think in that moment I got a clear word. I was hasty and spontaneous. I called our social worker and told her to change over our adoption plan to domestic. I told her what I had seen and what I felt God was telling us to do. She scrambled to get it done and we were on our way to do a domestic infant adoption. Well as time was passing and we started doing research on domestic adoption I began to feel frustrated and confused about my decision. My heart was still in Ethiopia. I long to be there with those people. I want to love on them and share Jesus with them. My heart was screaming Ethiopia and my head was telling me domestic. So, at this point, I have totally confused everyone around me including myself. Phillip and I decide to STOP both international adoption and domestic adoption talk and just pray and seek God's guidance and wisdom. We so desparetaly needed his direction on this.
After taking two weeks to pray about it and really trust that God knows what he is doing and he is revealing stuff to us in his timing, we have direction. We know with out a shadow of doubt that we are going to get Emerson from Ethiopia. As long as there country doesn't shut the doors to adoption during or process. We feel like God has put the Ethiopian people on our heart for a reason and this is the way we are supposed to go. Now, about the whole domestic thing... We feel like God showed me that scene to show me the need here so I will be open to the need and open to what he calls us here for. We feel like we will foster to adopt once we are home and setteled with Emerson for a while. If we get Emerson by late Spring then we will start the fostering journey this time next year.
Last friday during my devotional time (The Trust Journey devo) I was moved and God spoke to me. The title of last Friday's devo was Spiritual GPS....