Christmas Eve 2011

This Christmas has been different from any other I have experienced. While warm and cozy in my home with snow falling at a smooth continuous pace all day, which is a very, very rare site here in Midland,  I find my heart two worlds away. While I have joy in this season in getting to celebrate it with my sweet boys, husband and my wonderful family, I am broken and filled with sadness that my sweet daughter is an ocean away.  If you had of asked me this time last year if Emme would be home by this Christmas I would have said YES! of course! But as you can see that is not the case. We have arrived at another Christmas with out our daughter that I have birthed in my heart. My daughter in Ethiopia who is my own. We are worlds away. As I sat in her room today day dreaming about the Christmas's to come, my eyes filled with tears. We have been apart for 4 Christmas'. Three of which neither of us knew we belonged together. But I rest in the Lord knowing that I have many, many Christmas' to come with my sweet daughter. I thought for sure this year I would get to hang a third stocking from my mantel to fill with bracelets, lip gloss, bows and candy. I thought for sure I would be baking cookies with her and telling her about the birth of her Savior. I am not getting to do any of those things this year and its ok. I am not mad nor am I bitter. I have Joy because I know we are right where the Lord wants us to be. He brought us to this point, He has always known this is how this Christmas would be. I am so thankful that the Lord cares about every tiny details about our lives. My friend said to me today via text " It's amazing how God always comes through! He cares about the details of our lives and surprises us with blessings all the time." That is so right! As I look back on this past year I stand in amazement of all the fine details God has been working out in my life. Over this last year there have been many many tears, many bitter and frustrated emotions, several hours of begin and pleading, shameful moments of doubt and fear, followed by a lot of surprise blessings. I have failed before the Lord over and over but He has continued to be long suffering and merciful with me. He knew every feeling I would need to feel to mold me into the righteous daughter He has called me to be. He is so faithful. He has come through in areas I didn't even know I needed him to come through in. The last 8 weeks have been hard without Emme. I am sure I wear you guys out talking about it all the time. But until you have experienced you have no idea the crazy whirlwind of emotions this side of adoption brings. In a matter of days we gained a daughter and left her until who knows when. (crossing our fingers it is January when she comes home) Once you know your child, once you know their touch, their sound, their smell, it is hard to not feel sad at the distance between you. This last month and a half have been challenging. It is hard to put on a brave face. But God has known this is where we would be. He knew 16 months ago that I would be sitting here with these emotions and with this hope. It is crazy how when you are in this process you can feel so alone yet, God is there and he cares about how you feel. He is our comforter. Sometimes the ways He comforts us are really creative and you know that they have only come from the Lord. Phillip and I have felt so much love, support, peace and comfort this holiday season because of all of you. You, my dear friends have lifted our arms when we have been weak. You have prayed when we don't know what to pray and you have supported when we felt dry. Thank you.

This morning was such a joy. Emme's Story made it to the front page of our local newspaper! When Sara with Midland Reporter Telegram called me last week and told me that they wanted to put our story in the paper on Christmas Eve I was stunned.

I am in awe of what the Lord has done over this last month. Her story in the paper is not about us. It is about Him and how good He is. Emme is so special and she doesn't even know it. I am so excited to introduce her to all the people who have loved her from afar and to the community that has unceasingly prayed for her. This sweet little one is so very loved.

Here is the article from the paper....

http://www.mywesttexas.com/top_stories/article_3bd7adf3-1ee8-5616-a08d-1b6fbb655778.html

This Christmas, though a tiny bit sad, has been one of the BEST Christmases ever. I can't wait to put on my Santa hat here in a bit. This year Parker is really, really excited about Christmas. He has been looking for reindeer all day. He has written santa little notes and has even made little molds (he is really crafty and creative) of what he wants and has neatly laid them by the fire place. It is really sweet to see how excited he is. I will post tomorrow sometime about our Christmas day adventures... Stay tuned.