Tuesday, May 15

end of 40days.

Just realized I never posted this!! I have so many drafts that I need to post!! AHH!!! So behind and hating it!!! ;)

My 40days of water with blood:water ended on April 7th.
I am so thankful for those 40days.
I learned so much about myself.
I have learned things that were really hard to admit and things that I am ashamed I am.
Those 40days have been so much more than just 40days of not drinking anything but water.
I thought thats all it was but, it wasn't. I have learned and I have grown.

I am a cheater and I fail. I negotiate with God and with myself. I sneak, in secret, and then I feel guilty and ridiculous. What's funny about cheating in secret is that there really is no secret. God sees and knows all.
When I started I felt committed but half way through realized it was a commitment with holes.
A weak commitment.
I am not a strong committer.
Oh how I want to be.
I have weaknesses and discipline is one of them.
It showed during this mission.  I fail God daily with my lack of discipline. It is nauseating. Why am I such a slacker? Why is daily discipline...whether is be quiet time, duties around the house, saving money, exercising,  eating right or just drinking water for 40days so hard for me?

After those first couple of weeks and being challenged by my husband and encouraged by friends, I stepped it up. Having discipline is something that God wants to instill in me and he was teaching it to me through this mission.
But was I really willing to be taught? Was I really willing for him to change something in me?
I want that Godly discipline. The discipline that is hard to obtain. I want to go through the hard to get it. When I get it. I want it to stick and I want it to rub off on the rest of my family. Especially my children.

One of the fruits that the Holy Spirit bears is self-control which to me goes hand in hand with discipline. You can't control yourself without discipline.

If I walk with Christ and if I am lead daily by the Holy Spirit I must live in all of the fruits he has to offer. Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-control. 

Not just some of them. All of them. So I put my game in gear and recommitted. This time sealing those holes. Having self-control. It was hard. I slipped a couple of times but this time with a repentant heart and a heart willing to be taught. I finished it. I completed the 40days. It was HARD. I couldn't have done it with out Wynne. She joined me in this mission. Thank you for supporting me and challenging me friend!! 
I need to tally up how many drinks I gave up. I am sure it is a lot. It was hard to keep track each time. I did really well of keeping track the first couple of weeks so I will just take that number and add it to the other days. I am pretty consistent with what I drink each day. I know what I like and I stick to it. :)

It has been really great waking up to coffee each morning. I am really thankful for Coffee and the sweet smell it fills my house with each morning. What a gift from the Lord. 

I ended my 40days with a new appreciation for my free clean water that I can get from my kitchen sink. My family and friends give me a hard time about not having drinks in my fridge but it ok. If you come over thirsty you can bet I'll have a nice glass of free, clean ice water straight from my sink waiting for you. There are so many who suffer from terrible diseases because of the lack of water and the parasites that live in the water they do have. I don't suffer. I am just picky. I am thankful that this 40days has retrained the way I think about my sink water.

I hope I have what it takes to do the mission again. In the meantime, I will enjoy my coffee, iced tea with lime and my occasional glass of red wine.

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