Ok. I need a game plan. A plan to get out of this funk I have gotten myself into. I am disorganized. I am messier then ever. (I HATE being disorganized and messy) I am tired and easily distracted. I feel like lately time has controlled me rather then me controlling it. Time is working against me and not with me. I have failed in so many areas in my role of wife and mom. Why? Because my own selfish desires have got in the way. I have a serious case of "I don't want to's" and "I'd rather do this or that's" It's frustrating and I am drowning in it. What has been going on in my head lately would drive anyone to insanity. I am far beyond the insanity level. I don't even know what I am. I just need a break. I need to...
Refocus. Regroup. Rethink. Rearrange. Retreat. Repent. Rejoice. and Repeat.
I guess its safe to say I have a messy heart. You know the saying...
Messy house. Messy car. Messy heart.
That's me. In a nut shell. My heart has been messy and it has seeped into all the other areas of my life. I am fed up. I am tired of it. It has to change. Here are a few things I have flat failed at lately:
I am doing the James study by Beth Moore but not with a group. I am doing it on my own, which is kinda boring. When my friends started it I was in Ethiopia bringing Emme home and that was just a season where I couldn't leave her or leave at night to go to a study. It was a season of putting a bubble around our family and really zoning in on the kids. I miss that season of a tight bubble. Anyway... the James study is rocking my world. Though it has taken me since the end of January to get to Week 4 day 2. REALLY?! Whats the deal with that? Again. Its just lack of discipline, desire, accountability and distraction. All my own fault. This week I have really tried to focus and push through these strong feelings of complacency and frustration. It's hard. It is a crazy inward battle. I am struggling to find my balance and my motivation and my focus. When I get in that time with the Lord my whole world is a much better and brighter place. I wonder why?! HA! Each day I start my lesson excited and ready to learn, grow and be stretched but about 3/4 of the way through it I find myself getting antsy and wanting to check my email, the time, Facebook, Pinterest or whatever weird random thing comes to mind. I begin to wander and loose site. When I give in, and I often do, I find that the rest of my day I feel distracted and glued to something that has no meaning or positive influence in my life, in that moment. My time is then robbed from me by something so trivial. I told you, I am funky, I am a mess. :)
My laundry is outta control, It is driving me crazy. I have piles that have been sitting in the same place for over a week. I am sure Phillip is about to loose his mind but he has been surprisingly gracious. We are literally living out of the laundry room. Not our closet. None of us. All five of our clothes are still piled in the laundry room with more that is waiting to be added to it. Death by laundry! Seriously.
Let me just give you a peak into my home......
God's grace is sufficient! I love what Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:9 ...
So here I go...
Ready. Get set. GO!!!!!
Refocus. Regroup. Rethink. Rearrange. Retreat. Repent. Rejoice. and Repeat.
I guess its safe to say I have a messy heart. You know the saying...
Messy house. Messy car. Messy heart.
That's me. In a nut shell. My heart has been messy and it has seeped into all the other areas of my life. I am fed up. I am tired of it. It has to change. Here are a few things I have flat failed at lately:
- Quiet time
- Laundry
- Submission
- Keeping my house clean and organized
- Keeping my car clean
- Keeping my yard clean
- Making all the beds everyday (Something I ALWAYS do!)
- Brushing my kids teeth (I have probably only brushed teeth 3 times in the last MONTH OH-MY-GOODNESS did I just admit that out loud??!!)
- Being intentional about my friendships
- Completing commitments I make
- Most importantly after Quiet time with the Lord.... Submission to my husband.
I am doing the James study by Beth Moore but not with a group. I am doing it on my own, which is kinda boring. When my friends started it I was in Ethiopia bringing Emme home and that was just a season where I couldn't leave her or leave at night to go to a study. It was a season of putting a bubble around our family and really zoning in on the kids. I miss that season of a tight bubble. Anyway... the James study is rocking my world. Though it has taken me since the end of January to get to Week 4 day 2. REALLY?! Whats the deal with that? Again. Its just lack of discipline, desire, accountability and distraction. All my own fault. This week I have really tried to focus and push through these strong feelings of complacency and frustration. It's hard. It is a crazy inward battle. I am struggling to find my balance and my motivation and my focus. When I get in that time with the Lord my whole world is a much better and brighter place. I wonder why?! HA! Each day I start my lesson excited and ready to learn, grow and be stretched but about 3/4 of the way through it I find myself getting antsy and wanting to check my email, the time, Facebook, Pinterest or whatever weird random thing comes to mind. I begin to wander and loose site. When I give in, and I often do, I find that the rest of my day I feel distracted and glued to something that has no meaning or positive influence in my life, in that moment. My time is then robbed from me by something so trivial. I told you, I am funky, I am a mess. :)
My laundry is outta control, It is driving me crazy. I have piles that have been sitting in the same place for over a week. I am sure Phillip is about to loose his mind but he has been surprisingly gracious. We are literally living out of the laundry room. Not our closet. None of us. All five of our clothes are still piled in the laundry room with more that is waiting to be added to it. Death by laundry! Seriously.
Let me just give you a peak into my home......
AHH!!! ITS CAH-RAZ-EE
Today, I will refocus. Get a game plan to get this messy life cleaned up and back to normal. I will re prioritize my time. Gain control back and Trust in the Lord that he will give me the strength and determination to get through this daunting funk.God's grace is sufficient! I love what Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:9 ...
But her said to me, " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefor I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
His grace IS sufficient for me. I want Christ's power to rest on me. Even if it means giving me the power to simply clean my house, be a better mom, to have discipline in my relationship with God and be a better wife. His power will be made perfect in my weakness.
So here I go...
Ready. Get set. GO!!!!!
I was in the place you described yesterday. I had been doing the bare minimum to get my family by. I finally got mad at the mess and disorganization. After the evening meal I rallied the troops and we now have a picked up house. Note, I didn't say clean, but at least the clean laundry is put away, the dirty dishes are in the dishwasher and the toys are out of sight. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you since I notice you have lots going on in the next month.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Megan
I love your honesty and I'm SO GLAD I'm not alone! Give me an update, how did you get out of the funk???
ReplyDeleteJenna, my dear, how you make my heart swell with your openness and honestly about your own life. I came across your blog while doing a search on laundry. I was trying to find how to use a clothing line to dry without my clothes scratching me to death. But God had more in store for me today. It seems more times than not lately, He has been coming into my life in various ways, when I am searching for something... be it a website, keys, umbrella, my youngest child's shoes... and it always leads to something about Him. I know I'm rambling but I just thought you should know, a messy house is nothing to get discouraged about. Dirty dishes means that you feed your family, full trash cans means you clean up after their messes, messy floors mean you let my children have fun, piles of laundry means you keep your family in clean clothes, a dirty and wet bathroom means you bathe your kids! Do not be discouraged... you are being a wife and mother!
ReplyDelete