I Mother through Fits over Paper Straws.

What do you do when your children have bitterness and weird resentments toward each other? Maybe those words describe my new challenge between the children too strongly. Maybe its just normal kid selfishness and brattiness. I don't know... Here's the convo I had the other day with my oldest concerning what I do "differently" between himself and his sister:

P: "Mom!!!! How come you never ever do anything special for me. Like EVER!"
I can see the emotional walls in his eyes begin to crumble at this moment and I know all emotional "Hell" is going to break loose. I breathe in...Hold my breathe and wait for it...

Me: "What do you mean? I do special things for you all the time."
P: "NO. You. DON'T!!! All you care about is Emme and doing fun and special things for her!!! Like look at all of this Hello Kitty STUFF. Look at this!!"

(Pointing to the party supplies spread out on the table while flinging his arms around...we are very dramatic over here!)

Me: "Parker...have you forgotten the shark party I did for you this year? What about your Super Hero party where I stayed up with your Mimi until 2am one morning sewing 18 Super Hero Capes with all of their initials appliquéd on them? What about the Star Wars party that I spent everyday for a month working on? Assembling 18 light sabers and sewing 18 Jedi cloaks for all your little Jedi friends? What about me DRESSING UP like Princess Leah for said party!!!!!!???"

(Parker's eyes now welling up with tears.)

P: "BUT MOM... Its NOT the SAME!!! Look at these paper straws that look like candles!!!! Look at this box of Tattoos!!"
Me: "Parker... You had red and white striped paper straws at YOUR party!"
P: "UGH! Whatever... It's not FAIR and its not the same. You just do way more special things for Emme then you do for me!!!"

(Since when did he learn to say "whatever" and roll his eyes at the same time???!!!)

Me: Silence...No words....

I know this is way...way more then just a party and him being upset about a bunch of Hello Kitty stuff. Honestly, I think he could care less about the "party".

This is deeper. This is spiritual. But what do you do? Other then fall to your knees and seek God for wisdom? What do you say to a 6 yr old who is so tender and sensitive? What do you do other than spank him and send him to his room for being a big bratty turd?

I just closed my eyes and asked God for guidance. I tend to have ZERO tolerance for this kind of selfishness. But God quickly reminded me of how many times I have thrown fits and got mad at him for what he did for someone else and not me. How many times I have compared someone else's calling with my own. How many times I have cried over someone else's "Paper Straws". Yet he had grace and mercy with me and just let me throw my fit. To later use it and teach me. Like now.

My sweet Parker is kind, loving, generous, smart, compassionate and oh so artsy (like his momma). I love every ounce of his little being. It hurts my core knowing he hurts somewhere and I don't know how to fix it.

I am thankful I serve a God who does know how. And he will. He is a God who restores and redeems. We have watched him work in these areas a lot this last year.

We are Praying Circles around our little family. Even when we throw fits over Hello Kitty parties and Paper Straws.

There is a quote from a women in Ethiopia that I heard the other day that stung my soul, opened my eyes, encouraged me and challenged me. She said...

Via video from Bring Love In

My job right now is to Mother these three kids God has entrusted me with. It is more than a JOB it is a Ministry. It is my ministry. Today I will choose to serve in my ministry to the fullest. When "the going get tough, you just gotta keep on goin'" Through fits, tears, selfishness, frustration, sleepless nights, missed nap schedules and crummy attitudes. Glorifying God is our goal and today we will reach that goal. 

One wiped tear at a time. 

Mostly my own.